Where is everyone else getting their over-sized scissors sharpened? I'm looking for blacksmith recommendations since my local hardware store Scissor and Knife Sharpening - Ace Hardware can't handle these. We've been cutting ribbons at so many new locations that our giant scissors are dulling.

While we're on the subject, I've been considering somewhat narrower ribbons to reduce wear and tear on the scissors. Does 4-inch wide ribbon display prominently enough in your half-page Forbes 100 interviews? Does one generally match the door ribbon to their tie or socks for the photo sessions? I find that ruby cufflinks clash with crimson ribbon in the earlier hours.

Please share your recommendations below. Bonus points if your provider is also a goldsmith!

Just in case Notice:   An attorney advised us to post this. The violation of privacy can be punished by law.  NOTE: Facebook Meta LinkedOnion.com is now a public entity. All members must post a note like this. If you do not publish a statement at least once, it will be technically  understood that you are allowing the use of your photos, as well as the information contained in your profile status updates. 

I HEREBY STATE THAT I DO NOT GIVE MY PERMISSION TO USE ANY OF MY PERSONAL DATA OR PHOTOS. 

If you are thinking of getting off FB LinkedOnion because of the volume of sales ads and trash stuff.  So hold your finger anywhere in this post and click ′copy'. Go to your page where it says 'What's on your mind?' Tap your finger anywhere in the blank field. Click paste. This upgrades the system.

Good bye annoying ads and

Hello new and old friends!

Toxic "Fur Baby" parents make business social networks hostile to loving "Fin Baby" parents. I'm embarrassed to admit I marked my last post Private due to the backlash of online trolls and coworkers I thought were my friends and supporters. Well, I'm not backing down to hateful comments like "Does this belong on a business site?" and "Sorry for your loss, but wasn't Mr. Bubbles a $3 goldfish?"

You read that right! "wasn't Mr. Bubbles a $3 goldfish" The unmitigated gall! After initially shrinking from this withering attack, I'm going public again and re-posting about my grief. It's not about me. It's about empowering and emboldening other "Fin-parents" to speak their truth.

Just because our babies live in an isolated tank and their care and maintenance can be largely automated, our bond is no less heartfelt than that of a dog, cat, llama, or hamster family. Our love may even be profoundly deeper as we aren't expecting snuggles, purrs, or play in return for our nearly unrequited love. In many ways "fin babies" require a purer form of love.

I'm sad Mr. Bubbles passed. It was inhumane of HR to deny my request for bereavement leave. They can't tell me to use PTO I was saving for an important hair and nails appointment. Honestly, what sort of monster could enjoy a spa day two weeks after finding their best friend floating upside down?

However, snake and lizard owners, don't bother with any "Scale baby" propaganda. Everyone knows that's not a thing. You may as well just de-friend me now instead of commenting on my post.

This post is formal notice to users of LinkedOnion and other business networks to immediately Cease and Desist using the phrase "Humbled and Proud"®™© or its variants in their advertising, social media, and podcasts. It is well established that our firm, Humboldt & Proud Attorneys at Law trademarked the "Humbled and Proud"®™© service mark and must vigorously pursue any infringement on our intellectual property.

Although we celebrate the sharing of your life achievements, we cannot abide the unsanctioned usage of our trademark to report:

"I am humbled and proud to receive the every other Sunday franchise-wide commendation for cleaning the sundae machine."

"I am humbled and proud to be recognized by my peers as a top 50 Up and Comer in the paid Who's Who Among Paid Sponsors Book."

"Upon completing their third PIP, who could be any more humbled and proud than me? I never dreamed I could get this much attention  / mentoring from my direct supervisor."

It has become all too common for social media humblebrags about winning some picayune quarterly awards or just limping along professionally. This flagrant disregard for our intellectual property undermines the esteemed trademark and history of the Humboldt & Proud law firm and will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Although I am exceedingly humble by nature, my elementary school teachers and classmates knew early on that I was destined for success. Besides having a Roman Numeral suffix on my name, and the school library named for my family, teachers and administrators seemed to take an instant shine to me.

As an early social media disruptor, I was named most likely to succeed. Well, I was the only one on the yearbook committee, so I printed what I wanted. The books were already distributed before anyone would look too closely. It's not like they would pay to reprint them even if Jenny Kirkpatrick took exception to being named ugliest by the yearbook committee. They say there's no such thing as bad publicity, but I learned early on that your school disagrees.

Eventually I learned that you cannot rely on your family name, even if it's usually followed by "Living Trust". Most families set them up as Revocable so they can grief you about not showing enough initiative or "gumption" or some other nonsense when you've earned your inheritance by turning 18. I can assure you that suing parents demonstrates gumption.

The demo gods smote me again. But this isn't the time for sour grapes, it's time to pass along my reflections for other serial entrepreneurs like myself. The key takeaway isn't that no one wants our product. It just proves that wealth, years of business experience, and traditional "success" can't prepare investors for real innovators like you and me.

Sometimes they just can't see past negative cash flow, zero users, and a non-functional prototype to the obvious beauty of your ideas. That just means we have infinite upside, 0% churn, and we're not "locked-in to legacy code". It's their loss, right?

Most Venture Capitalists are WAY too easily distracted by fixable details to understand your grand vision. They say stupid things like:

• Do you have testimonials besides employees, friends, and family?
• Has your leadership team had any previous success?
• What market research have you done?
• Did you test this on Wifi?

Although I'm not a developer per se, I'm pretty technical. This idea feels good. Once we hire some devs, it'll usually work the second or third time the user hits Refresh.

I'll be busy pitching my idea for quantum-entangled AI to investors who aren't afraid of my lack of experience. Check back soon for my next article on how to wind down a business. I have extensive experience writing letters to bill collectors, unincorporating paper corporations, and filing public notices for auctions. I can even share my ready-made templates for bankruptcy filings in three states.

Have you heard about the newest trend I'm starting in AI? Of course not! I'm starting it right now. While many are spending billions building Artificial Intelligence solutions, I'm skating to where the puck will go, not just where it is now. I'm currently seeking funding for Artificial Brilliance® the next level beyond AI.

"Skate to where the puck will go, not just where it is now." Wayne Gretzky on AI, probably.

What is Artificial Brilliance®? Artificial Brilliance® leapfrogs modern understanding of Large Language Models by using Huge Language Things®. As everyone knows but no one admits, Models are small-scale representations of a Thing rather than the Thing itself. Models are basically just toy versions of the original Thing.

These amazing new technologies will be everywhere. You'd be a fool to miss out on the next big thing's next bigger version. I am currently accepting minimum investment placements of $37 Million dollars for a non-voting share of Artificial Brilliance®.

Think about it. Breathing is so very important. It's so, so very important, it's really the start of it all. Well, it's the start after birth. And birth follows gestation. And gestation follows conception. So, in a greater sense, your journey starts with passion, but today we're talking about breathing. Breathing is so very important.

Ancient philosophy reveals that the mind can only consider thoughts which are the length of one breath. By learning to control your breathing, you can hold and analyze bigger thoughts. Growing your consciousness will expand your mind to unlock your limitless potential, at least as far as the physical limits of Guinness World record 29 minutes and 3 seconds. So, it's not technically limitless, but it's a LOT. You can stuff a whole episode of Friends in there plus 6 or 7 minutes thinking "hold, hold, hold, don't die, hold..." at the end.

Let's practice. Close your eyes and take a deep cleansing inhale. Now relax, clear your mind and think of one of your current goals. Hold up. Open your eyes, read all the instructions so you'll know when to exhale. Then close your eyes when you're ready to start again. Okay, pick a goal to focus on, THEN close your eyes. Focus on the one goal... and these instructions... and the breathing... and keeping your eyes closed... and relaxing. Don't worry about the relaxing. It'll come with practice. Keep it in mind, but just a little. Exhale slowly and deeply. Repeat. Well, repeat from the inhale, not just the exhale.

Repeat this exercise 5 times or for two minutes. You can set an alarm so you don't have to focus on the goal, instructions, breathing, keeping your eyes closed and keeping count while relaxing. Develop this daily practice to visualize your goals and manifest them into your life. Soon, you'll be able to contain a full Youtube short inside a single breath.

The bigger questions will come later, like "how did Youtube's algorithm know I'd enjoy veterinarians trimming animal hooves one day and woodworking another?" I didn't even know that. I like GearheadBryan, but I don't really need to break loose stripped screws every day. If I skip or don't Like them, when will I see those again?

For the moment let's focus on the breathing and visualization. Remember to forget about the keeping count, and the instructions, and how many days your dreams haven't manifested. Trust the algorithm and be at peace knowing GearheadBryan is okay. Well, probably. I don't know GearheadBryan, but I certainly wish him well. Namaste, GearheadBryan.

Feeling closer to your dreams could be just as important as the actual work of making them happen. It may not seem like that when the rent is due, but you can always move and breathe somewhere new. Imagine the possibilities!